Monday, November 8, 2010

Black, Successful, Single, and Male...Whats wrong with you?

When talking about being black, successful, and single the discussion usually about females. This topic dominates black radio, tv, and blogs. Round table discussion are seemingly held amongst are sisters at a monthly rate to tackle the issue. I have my opinions as to why this is an issue and solutions but im here to tackle the other side of the coin...the single brotha. Im not talking about the undesirable dudes im diagnosing the successful one who seem to be traded more frequently that Randy Moss. For me its fundamental and I will break it down as such into the roots of that word fun, fund, and mental...starting with the MENTAL. In a lot of cases black males (and females) are born into familes with out a father or a quality relationship for young boys to observe up close. As a young boy/man you see your mother struggle with relationships and even though you love your mother you blame her subconsciously because as a man its easy to see thing from the male point of view and harder from the females perspective. You see how hard it is to make a relationship work from an early age and like most things that are hard you avoid it rather than embracing it and overcoming the issue. Growning up my uncles told me to have FUN and don't settle down to early but they always fail to say don't settle down to late. Im 29 and too tell my brothers who are 17 and 18 to have fun but I say it with somewhat of a disclaimer. If you want to date multiple girls do it. If you don't want the responsibility of a now don't get in one because you have enough to think about such as college and a career path. But lastly I tell them if a good one comes along who treats you right don't pass over it like god women come along all the time because contrary to what most media says black women can be just as messed up as black men. You see most of us men want to have as much fun as possible which usually mean hooking up with a few women along the way and hanging out with our homeboys whenever we want. I once thought this was as well...but I grew up. I still like chillen with the fellas and wish I could do it more but shit, I wish I could stay home and play videogames more as well but I bring my ass to work. Why? Because you have to find balance. The way I see it is what I want to do and what I have to do go hand and hand. In order for me to even play videogames for just an hour I have to work so that I can pay the electric bill, have a nice tv to play them on, and be able to buy new ones when I want. Same applies to relationships. In order to be with fine, intelligent, black women I have to be in a relationship because no black women of quality is going to let you cum and go as you please...pun intended. What ends up happening is as you reach a certain level of success you Funds increase and then you start thing all these women want you for is your loot so you aint gonna let that happen. Plus you see all these young girls and somewhere in your head you believe they want you cause of your looks but in reality all they want is the money. What you look like doesn't matter as long as your card looks platinum and your rims look shiney. As I mentioned I'm 29 and I consider myself a successful, good looking black man. I've reached many of my goals and are working to reach new ones and I can say I dont want to be playing the field at 40 nor do I want to be that old dude at Love that remembers when it was Dream, trying to be cool with people half my age. Women out number us in the DC metropolitan area and when you factor in the incarceration rates and gay men, we really have our pick. Maybe thats the problem. You ever go to buy a car and they just have too many with too many options and it takes hours to pick one? Maybe thats the problem. We have our pick and we know it so we can wait as long as we want. The reality is black women are not waiting for us as men of other races swoop in to have a taste of what we've been eating (and dont say you don't) all this time. These men have everything we have and more (good credit). So while they are getting the attention of our sistas your chillen probably gay or waiting for a blond hair, blue eye Becky to call your own. Lol but even they turn into 270 pound Rossannes but hey I guess an eye for and eye.
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each1teach1 said...

I love your grasp of the reality, that single, successful, morally and financially responsible black men are a premium.
At the same time, instead of seeing it as a license to run through the flood of equally successful eligible black women, you recognize the importance of setting up shop with one.
I'd like to know where do they make brothers like you& if I can order one for daughter, lol.
If we seriously hope to achieve any level of nuclear family status in the US, an important factor in building wealth, we need more men to realize these truths at an early age, like you have.
You might want to consider writing a book for young men, single women raising men that could counter some of the silly rhetoric we get from the Steve Harvey's and Jim Izrael's of th world

Mr. H said...

Thanks for the endorsement. I'm not the only brotha that thinks this way. We just need more discussion on it. I've been writing a book off and on for years and just decided to blog but I still want to do the book. I appreciate your feed back. Please don't mind the spelling/grammar because I'm blogging via my phone so its hard to proof read and correct mistakes.

BIGJ said...

Maybe y'all should google "the Gossip, according to BigJ."


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